Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
