omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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