I hate all girls vehemently.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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