Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
