glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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