I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
