Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
