the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
