So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
