your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
