Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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