Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
