My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
