I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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