But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
