Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
