the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
