so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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