We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
