shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
