i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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