She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
