I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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