He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
