You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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