ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
