Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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