I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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