My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
