you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
