Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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