If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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