she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
