Can i not drive my cunt home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
