I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That accounts for only three of the penises
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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