i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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