i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
