Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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