Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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