He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
