Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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