is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
