I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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