It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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