obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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