she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to calm my uterus...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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