# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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