we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
