I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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