Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
