so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
