Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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